Inspiration

Do you ever have a day or a moment in your life that just inspires you to get your life back together and make it better than it's ever been? I have been having a day like that today. There have been a lot of depressing things going on at the moment but I am deciding to rise above it and take my life back.

One thing that I have been battling with has been anxiety. Although this hasn't technically been a recent problem, as it turns out I have had some symptoms for years now, I have learned that I can do more to help myself with it.

I have recently started going to therapy through my University, and also have started biofeedback therapy. Biofeedback therapy is one where you work with a computer program and hook up sensors to three on your fingers. Meanwhile, I sit in a comfortable chair and go step by step through the program. The main goals are to help me "gently" relax myself and bring myself back to the present moment, and away from any of my worries- regardless if they are legit stressful thoughts or not. I say gentle with air quotes because anxiety often feeds off of itself- one of the main things that sets it apart from stress. If you argue with yourself and "force yourself to calm down", then you only get into a vicious cycle.There is a lot of meditation involved and deep breathing. As you go through the program the screen (in various ways) is able to visually show you what your body is doing and based on your level of stress, you are informed as to how it physically affects you. I am not sure how much it is helping me right now, but I have decided that I am going to do more in order to ensure something helps me. I can practice my techniques, learn my mantras, and apply them to stressful situations. And if this turns out to not help, then I will have to talk to my doctor about medication. But either way, I am determined to free my mind of the illogical chains of anxiety.

Another thing that I have to change is my motivation. This anxiety can be paralyzing to me at times, particularly when I have a large to do list. I am thinking there is a large correlation between my levels and anxiety and my quality of work. I will be lucky to get any A's this semester. The only problem is, my classes are not that hard. Its all stuff that I normally should be able to do pretty easily. So, I need to ramp up my school work and spend more time making sure I am absorbing everything and doing well, especially since my finals will be in about a month. EEEEEEK!

I love to write. (As you can tell by the way I am blabbering on ;) ) I have a fiction novel that I have been working on for the past two years. Only, I haven't really touched it much this year. Which, since I am devoting more time to my studies and my classes, means I will be doing a TON of writing over this summer. Which brings me to my next point.

Money- money, money, money. Life seems to revolve around that greens stuff it seems. I am determined to save up enough money in order to buy a car this summer. While I would love to be able to buy a new one and just make payments on it... I know that won't be very feasible. I will more than likely buy a used one that isn't labeled as a "fixer-upper". This way I will not have to put more money into fixing it than its worth. I am pretty excited about this though. This means it will also be a lot easier for me to work next school year. I have a lot going on, if you can't tell!

Lastly... I have become more inspired to believe in myself more. I recently read in my Behavioral Psychology textbook about this thing called Rational-emotive therapy that sounds like it can be really useful. Basically, people begin to have certain responses to incidents and it sets up how a person can view themselves or a situation. For example, I come home with an F, and my mom lectures me about how important it is to get good grades and acts very disappointed with me. This leads me to believe from then on that I am only going to make them proud by making A's, to the point that it changes my views, and makes it in my mind so that I have to get an A, otherwise I would be useless. They call these maladaptive beliefs. I myself have to challenge these beliefs. I sometimes feel like I am only good if I do certain things, or don't do certain things. If I do these things, then there will be dire consequences. For example... I believe that if I stand up too much to a friend or significant other, they will without a doubt want nothing to do with me. And that too can be crippling. I need to start understanding that I have a lot of worth and that I deserve certain things.

This post is labeled inspiration because my friends have inspired this change in me. I have a lot of potential. Its about time I take off with it! Sorry the post is so long, guys and gals! I will post a video. :)

The one I am not doing is not as advanced but its the same general idea.

So readers: is there anything irrational that stresses you guys out?

~Bridget Nicole