Some of God's Greatest Gifts are Unanswered Prayers

I wanted to take a moment today to share my waking thoughts from this morning with everyone.

God works in mysterious ways. During hard times most people pray about literally everything that they may need. And for me, luckily, a lot of those prayers have been answered with blessings. Good things have been happening in my life lately. Such as:

• My dad has been on unemployment for a while now and has been having a hard time finding a job lately. However, he got a job offer in NY (where we will be moving to) which although isn't as high of pay as he would like, will give him some of the benefits he needs for medical and dental. Plus its pretty similar to other work he has done so he would be familiar with the work. I was absolutely ecstatic when he called and told me about it.
• I myself may have a job for when I move up. My mom knows someone whose dad owns a movie theater and they need help there so I don't know how much I will be working or what the pay is like, but at least I will be able to start working right away. I really really really need to save up for a car.
• My writing is taking off again. I am getting more inspiration and especially now that school is winding down (which is a blessing in itself), I have more opportunities to write. I am pretty excited about the turns my writing is taking, and getting more excited about the fact that I am getting into short stories more. They are beginning to grow on me!
• I got the classes I wanted for next semester and am thrilled about how the schedule worked out. I will be taking all my classes on Tuesdays and Thursdays and will have the rest of the week available for me to work and make money. Plus I have awesome classes :)

But even while all of these things are going well and life in general seems to be taking a good direction, it seems pretty obvious to see the times where God doesn't answer you right away or not at all. I recently have had a lot of questions about the type of person I am and basically identifying everything about myself. Also, I have been trying to figure out where that plays into a relationship. What do I want out of one? What role should I be playing in one? How much do I accept about the other person before I realize they're just not meant for me? How much to I change about myself? Which, yes, people tell you that you shouldn't change yourself for other people. But, if someone influences you at all, you will see changes. And if you're with someone who is worthy of looking up to, then change will inevitably happen. But how much is too much?

Long-ish story short, I have been trying to figure out where I stand with this and praying to God to send me some sort of sign or just help make things clearer to me. And honestly, I only hear white noise on this subject. I am left wondering why of all things God would chose this to fall silent. I have been needing to keep in mind that he knows all about the future and what is to come for me, but it makes me wonder what it is and why he won't even give me a hint in this area, even though everything else in my life is playing out.

Which, knowing me... this is just God's way of saying: "Have a little trust in me, good things come to those who wait."

This song kind of sums it up for me. Plus its just fun to sing. Enjoy!

Universal Truth

Universal truth is a topic that came up in my literary theory class today. Its a topic that manages to come up a lot in my life- I look at how different people are and different experiences and wonder how in the world something like universal truth is even possible. I googled truth and here is what I came up with:

truth

The quality or state of being true
That which is true or in accordance with fact or reality
A fact or belief that is accepted as true

"That in accordance with fact or reality". Now that's a slippery slope. I believe personal truth- not the kind where you think a certain thing about yourself- but the kind where because of certain things a person experienced, something can be true to them and not to someone else who went through something completely different. For example most people when they think of divorce they think of it as something horrible and traumatic. This (I think, anyways) tends to be what the majority would think. Others however have been through horrible relationships (either the children witness it, or either the husband or wife become abusive, etc.) and see divorce (or the availability of one) as a blessing. Therefore its hard to say as a fact that all divorces are traumatic and saddening. This would be why ever idea you encounter has a gray area.

Another subject that this applies (and I do apologize if this steps on anyone's toes) is the idea of there being different religions or, denominations within Christianity, specifically. It is impossible for anyone to know that what they are doing and what God/denomination they are following is the right thing. Because the fact is, people don't know until they die. Faith is a completely different thing. As Christians we are taught to have faith and put our heart into believing that we are doing the right thing and that is what keeps you hanging on to whatever it is that you do believe. I myself am a Christian and my faith is pretty strong, but I am also at peace with the fact that I cannot possibly know what is in store for me right now, because I am only human and cannot see into the future. Many denominations are ready to damn someone else to hell just because they believe something slightly different- they tell them they are wrong. But how do they know they are absolutely right themselves? As far as knowing for a fact if we're doing the right thing or not, that answer comes later in life. Orrr... your afterlife.

The third definition hints toward what I have been getting at. Society, or some group of people, have to accept something in order for it to be seen as true. A guy in my class used the example of the sky being blue- most people just accept it as a fact- but he was color blind for the first part of his life and for some time he didn't know it was blue. So to him, he didn't embrace this truth because he knew first hand that the sky can be something other than blue. Every society/group has their own truths that they follow. This usually mean that they truths they follow are not the same from group to group. So how is universal truth possible?

Now, I happened to stumble upon this website that has its list of Universal Truths and I would have posted it in the blog but it was too long. Its mostly humorous, but there is a lot of truth to them I found. Enjoy!

http://truths.omniseek.com/list.html

So readers- did I confuse anyone that read this? I hope not but comments and thoughts are always appreciated.

~Bridget Nicole

And then... Precipitation.

Pauses in the air
Hushed in anticipation
This feeling seems to grow
And then, precipitation.

Thoughts and feelings drop
Surrounding and encircling
This downward spiral
Is only the beginning.

The drums in my heart
Beat fast, oh so fast,
Try to steady all breath
Until this thing is passed.

There is no making sense
Of severe confusion
And this is only
Half of the illusion.

Try to convince the powers that be
It is something not deserved
However the relief
Is nothing if not reserved.

A break in the cycle
A chance to break away
Invites the quiet
To remain for the day.

Pauses in the air,
Hushed in anticipation
This feeling will grow
And then... precipitation.

What in the world?!

Ok I happened to see some statuses about a "government shutdown".  So I decided to look it up and found this:

"Congress would force a government shutdown on April 8, 2011 if their plan to reduce the U.S. federal budget deficit is not resolved^[1]. This could leave 800,000 furloughed workers without a job, out of 2 million civilian federal employees and leaving the US Military without pay until a CR is passed.^[2][3] President Obama emerged from an Oval Office meeting with Congressional leaders on Wednesday night with no breakthrough on the budget stalemate, but he said the 90-minute discussion had helped to “narrow the issues” that are outstanding. This also is caused by a great debate over funding Planned Parenthood. Some have claimed that Planned parenthood performs abortions, contravening existing law which prohibits the use of federally allocated monies for abortion services. ^[4] Planned Parenthood also provides essential medical services, e.g. cancer screenings and testing for sexually transmitted diseases. ^[5] Federal agencies are already beginning preparations for potential closures."

People are given "a temporary leave of absence" from their jobs. These people are not getting paid. I can't even believe that something like this exists- all because people cannot get their acts together. People are suffering in an already tough time. So how long are we supposed to wait for people to get their act together? In the past according to the Washington Post, they have lasted anywhere from eight to seventeen full days.

Anyone who works for the government or for public health still work. Mostly without pay. Also from the Washington Post:

http://voices.washingtonpost.com/federal-eye/2011/02/government_shutdown_facts_and.html

How have shutdowns impacted the general public?
The suspension of various government service impacted Americans in several ways during the 1995 and 1996 shutdowns, according to CRS:
• Health: The National Institutes of Health couldn't accept new patients for clinical research and didn't answer hotline calls regarding diseases. The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention stopped disease surveillance and toxic waste cleanup projects at 609 sites were reported stopped, causing the furlough of 2,400 Superfund workers.
• Law Enforcement and Public Safety: The Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco and Firearms delayed the processing of alcohol, tobacco, firearms, and explosives applications. Work on more than 3,500 bankruptcy cases reportedly was suspended. The U.S. Border Patrol canceled the recruitment and hiring of 400 new agents and various delinquent child-support cases were delayed.
• Parks, Museums, and Monuments: The National Park Service shuttered 368 sites, resulting in the loss of about 7 million visitors and revenues to local communities. The closure of national monuments and other museums resulted in the loss of about 2 million visitors.
• Visas and Passports: Up to 30,000 applications by foreigners
for visas went unprocessed each day and 200,000 applications for U.S. passports went unanswered. Both moves resulted in millions of dollars in losses for tourism-dependent industries and U.S. airlines.
• Military veterans: Health, welfare, financial and travel services for veterans were curtailed.
• Federal contracts: Of the $18 billion in contracts in the Washington region, about 20 percent -- or $3.7 billion -- was impacted.


Some people need to get their act together!!!!!

What's your opinion?

~Bridget Nicole

Secondhand Habits

Today I want to mention secondhand smoke. Not as many people think about the dangers of this compared to the dangers of first hand smoke. Here is a website about the problems with secondhand smoke:

http://www.cancer.org/cancer/cancercauses/tobaccocancer/secondhand-smoke

Besides any of the physical effects, its just rude in some cases. While I was on my way to get lunch a guy was walking in front of me and I said "excuse me" in order to get past him. As I walked past, he blew smoke from his cigarette in my face. He might have thought it was funny, but just because he is smoking and shaving years off his life, doesn't mean I want to also. I would start smoking myself if I wanted to do that.

Now I don't like telling people what to do, because what they do with their life is their own choice, so if they want to smoke its up to them. However I think the e cigarette is an amazing idea. There are no problems with secondhand smoke and there are no smells from it. Also, there are less carcinogens in the e cigarettes, so they are also less harmful to those using it. Here are some websites to tell you about those:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/E-cigarette

http://www.ecigaretteschoice.com/

I myself know its hard to fight addictions. I will admit I am addicted to soda. I don't think its a caffiene issue because I can drink either. I have tried to stop drinking it a couple times now and I can't seem to stop!

So what are you guys addicted to?

~Bridget Nicole

"White Houses"

I can't get this song out of my head lately. Probably with good reason!

So the challenge for today has been mapping out my future. I planned out my classes for my senior year (which the schedule came out great!) and have been researching what I want to do with my English degree. The choices (I think...) have been narrowed down to technical writing, creating writing, advertising, and novel writing. Novel writing will probably happen later when I am financially secure, but its still something I would like to do.

I don't know which direction to go. Its all so overwhelming!!!

So what do you guys want to be when you grow up?

~Bridget Nicole

Inspiration

Do you ever have a day or a moment in your life that just inspires you to get your life back together and make it better than it's ever been? I have been having a day like that today. There have been a lot of depressing things going on at the moment but I am deciding to rise above it and take my life back.

One thing that I have been battling with has been anxiety. Although this hasn't technically been a recent problem, as it turns out I have had some symptoms for years now, I have learned that I can do more to help myself with it.

I have recently started going to therapy through my University, and also have started biofeedback therapy. Biofeedback therapy is one where you work with a computer program and hook up sensors to three on your fingers. Meanwhile, I sit in a comfortable chair and go step by step through the program. The main goals are to help me "gently" relax myself and bring myself back to the present moment, and away from any of my worries- regardless if they are legit stressful thoughts or not. I say gentle with air quotes because anxiety often feeds off of itself- one of the main things that sets it apart from stress. If you argue with yourself and "force yourself to calm down", then you only get into a vicious cycle.There is a lot of meditation involved and deep breathing. As you go through the program the screen (in various ways) is able to visually show you what your body is doing and based on your level of stress, you are informed as to how it physically affects you. I am not sure how much it is helping me right now, but I have decided that I am going to do more in order to ensure something helps me. I can practice my techniques, learn my mantras, and apply them to stressful situations. And if this turns out to not help, then I will have to talk to my doctor about medication. But either way, I am determined to free my mind of the illogical chains of anxiety.

Another thing that I have to change is my motivation. This anxiety can be paralyzing to me at times, particularly when I have a large to do list. I am thinking there is a large correlation between my levels and anxiety and my quality of work. I will be lucky to get any A's this semester. The only problem is, my classes are not that hard. Its all stuff that I normally should be able to do pretty easily. So, I need to ramp up my school work and spend more time making sure I am absorbing everything and doing well, especially since my finals will be in about a month. EEEEEEK!

I love to write. (As you can tell by the way I am blabbering on ;) ) I have a fiction novel that I have been working on for the past two years. Only, I haven't really touched it much this year. Which, since I am devoting more time to my studies and my classes, means I will be doing a TON of writing over this summer. Which brings me to my next point.

Money- money, money, money. Life seems to revolve around that greens stuff it seems. I am determined to save up enough money in order to buy a car this summer. While I would love to be able to buy a new one and just make payments on it... I know that won't be very feasible. I will more than likely buy a used one that isn't labeled as a "fixer-upper". This way I will not have to put more money into fixing it than its worth. I am pretty excited about this though. This means it will also be a lot easier for me to work next school year. I have a lot going on, if you can't tell!

Lastly... I have become more inspired to believe in myself more. I recently read in my Behavioral Psychology textbook about this thing called Rational-emotive therapy that sounds like it can be really useful. Basically, people begin to have certain responses to incidents and it sets up how a person can view themselves or a situation. For example, I come home with an F, and my mom lectures me about how important it is to get good grades and acts very disappointed with me. This leads me to believe from then on that I am only going to make them proud by making A's, to the point that it changes my views, and makes it in my mind so that I have to get an A, otherwise I would be useless. They call these maladaptive beliefs. I myself have to challenge these beliefs. I sometimes feel like I am only good if I do certain things, or don't do certain things. If I do these things, then there will be dire consequences. For example... I believe that if I stand up too much to a friend or significant other, they will without a doubt want nothing to do with me. And that too can be crippling. I need to start understanding that I have a lot of worth and that I deserve certain things.

This post is labeled inspiration because my friends have inspired this change in me. I have a lot of potential. Its about time I take off with it! Sorry the post is so long, guys and gals! I will post a video. :)

The one I am not doing is not as advanced but its the same general idea.

So readers: is there anything irrational that stresses you guys out?

~Bridget Nicole